The Gifting Woes
There are a few things that come to mind this time of year. Once again you realize how abruptly cold it gets in Richmond, and once again you’re feeling entirely unprepared. The fact that another year has passed hits us hard with an incredible sense of time wasted, and we half wish it was at least September. And to top it all off, you have to buy presents for every damn person you’ve ever met!
Seriously, one way or another, gifts are a near requirement during this season. If not for some religious holiday then it is certainly for convention’s sake, or at the least for that asshole who has a birthday on December 24th. Of course, none of this would be a problem if it weren’t for two things: You have no money, and no idea what to get anyone!
Enter Booty Jams’ guide to all your gifting conundrums. Well, two of them at least.
First of all, let’s tackle this money issue. Now, we’re not so sure about what to do for Aunt Mildred and the kids. For those periphery people, best to go for some cheap chocolate or a card with a buck in it or something. Really, you’re worried about the people who matter most, i.e.: Your partner, your best friends, and perhaps the folks. These people actually deserve some thought, if not your hard earned cash.
Have a chat about economic limits. We know that by the time you read this there will only be a few short days to decide such things, but if you’re late to the game, like we often are, you’re right on time. Set a spending limit, and don’t feel all weird about it. In these tough economic times everyone should understand, and honestly, if they don’t, we say don’t buy them anything and see how they like that. Told you so.
Take a light approach. Don’t phrase things in terms of negatives, but perhaps how having a strict limit means you can have fun being clever. If you’re looking to have a conversation about not spending a ton of cash, don’t spend a ton of emotion. Throw it out there, and hope for the best. Stay positive and stay light, and things will most likely work in your favor.
Once the potentially awkward conversation about how much you’re willing to spend on someone is behind you, don’t try to be cute and go over said limit. Fact check: You’re not being cute, you’re being annoying and kinda mean. Even if you do have a little extra to spend, save it for a snowy day. All you’re doing by spending over what’s agreed is the equivalent to a slap in the face to the art of communication. What lies beneath your action, even if it’s not the case, is the expectation that your gift recipient would over spend as well. And once they realize this, they’ll not only feel guilty for not having spent $400 on a tie at Need Supply, but they will also feel a stab of resentment about your uncomfortably kind gesture. On the real, not cute, just dumb. Save the money, stick to the script.
Now, for those of you who are properly strapped, remind yourself that it’s nearly 2012 already and that you have at least the smallest modicum of creativity. Remember that sweet macaroni portrait you made of your mom back in 5th grade? That was brilliant! Tap into that now dormant creative energy, and make something! We know you’re scared of everything crafty and creative, but challenge yourself; you can do it! Plus, it’s the 21st century. You have the Internet. I mean, you’re on it right now. Take a look at gift ideas online, and odds are you’ll be able to find something your boo will be psyched to receive. Making stuff is also cheap as hell, it’s the effort you put in that will make the difference and show how much you care. Which leads to our next point: What the hell will you get them?
We have heard for all our lives that it is the thought that counts when it comes to gift giving. But what our founding fathers did not intend was for someone to briefly cross your mind and that constitute as considered thought. A shitty card for your boyfriend of five months, though requiring some measure of thought, does not amount to a thoughtful gift. Problem is, you actually have to sit down and think about it.
Our advice is to consider your recipient, and think of everything you like/love about them. Really give it some thought. What every rom-com has ever taught us is that you should note every time your partner or best friend sees something they like, and then go to the ends of the earth to find that thing. Yet, things don’t need to be so complicated. If you honestly consider what you like about them, you will no doubt come across some aspect of your mate’s personality that could serve as fodder for presents.
Additionally, we have been taught by many a media stereotype that a gift that benefits you and your recipient need be shied away from. Well, we call bulls**t.
Certainly, your out-dated affinity for beanie babies or your obsession with cricket bats is probably not the best bet, but something that you both can enjoy is not to be shrugged off so easily.
For a partner, a sex toy or lingerie is always an option, and with the savings you can reap from Adam and Eve with our promo code ‘booty,’ you can save some green while still obtaining a viable gift. Yet, even a ticket to a show or something you can use at your next family get-together could be a solid present enjoyed by all.
In the end, gifts are simply a material representation of care. They don’t need to encapsulate the entirety of your relationship with someone, nor hold the key to your future together. A little thought and a little cash can go a long way. Don’t stress too much, lest you find yourself a nervous wreck. Trust your instincts, and by the time he rips that pine tree paper to shreds, you’ll be sitting pretty with confidence in your efforts.
Happy holidays, bitches!!
We set our straight guy on the street with a Grindr profile. Part II of what he learns here.February 3, 2012
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