The Gay Guys Guide to Gym Etiquette Vol. III
As entertaining as it may sound, I keep seeing more unusual and horrendous activities occur at the gym. I constantly shake my head and wonder, will these guys and gals ever get it? Do they know I’m watching them and that I’ll be writing about them here? Perhaps not. However, if I gave full descriptions and hints, they would, but I’m not going to do that. Hopefully after reading the following ten gym commandments, together we can stop the madness — well at least recognize these broken rules and confront those that violate them.
10. I’m judging you. Yes, when someone looks at you, they’re judging you. I suggest you judge right back. And if they’re attractive, give them the wink.
9. Taking off your clothes. I don’t get it. Whether you’re on the bike, elliptical or treadmill for safety reasons, don’t start taking off articles of clothing while you and the machine are in operation. It’s a hazard and if you were that certain someone that did it on the treadmill the other day, there’s a reason why you should keep your shirt on.
8. Damn I look good. There’s a reason for the mirror and it’s not for you to lust at yourself for days. There is no need to flex in front of the mirror for hours, do this behind closed doors.
7. Why are you wearing Sperry boat shoes on the treadmill? This is probably the reason why you have bad feet and your strides are uber awkward. Do us all a favor and get the 101 on gym attire before you enter.
6. Laughing, singing. Same thing. Once again, this isn’t American Idol or America’s Funniest Home Videos. Like the movies, silence is golden. We’re here to workout, not audition for Idol or laugh out loud. Sure its an ab workout, but we shouldn’t be able to hear you with our headphones even halfway turned up.
5. Don’t even talk about food. Let alone, fast food. Okay boys, I know you love some Taco Bell, but you really don’t need to have this conversation when I’m working on my core on the medicine ball. Here’s a challenge: Run from the gym to the nearest Taco Bell and then reward yourselves! (Fresca menu only!)
4. Wipe on. Wipe off. I still don’t understand guys that will not wipe down the machines after use. Who are you?! Are you trying to get me sick? Do you think I want to sit on a wet seat with your body juice?! Either wipe the machine or spray your bum and hands before and after using the machines.
3. The gym is the new meat market. I know the gym is heaven for us gay guys, but when did it become alright for guys to just walk around and not workout? Unless you’re the gym attendant or a “hottie potatie,” you can cruise control all you want!
2. Dance off pants off. Thou shalt not perform Zumba. That is all.
1. Who wears short shorts? Finally, it’s not a broken rule, but it depends. Boys, there is such a thing as too short of shorts!
Jason Yu is Partner and Director of Marketing for The Hardwicke Group in Richmond, VA. His company specializes in new media, PR and influence with an emphasis on digital marketing strategy and reputation management. Jason enjoys keeping active by biking, running and working out on a daily basis. Jason has ran in over twenty running races including the Marine Corps Marathon, Tough Mudder, Richmond Marathon, and Xterra races. Interesting facts about Jason is that he is a music fanatic, in search fro the best macaroni and cheese, and aspiring “mixologist.”
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