Show Some Love
Read More: Booty Jams Podcast
Showing our partners that we care is what all relationships are founded upon. From the time he bought you breakfast after that first bang, to the back rubs he gives you now when you’re stressed, displaying our care is the basis of how we operate with our partners. As time moves on our feelings change and mature, and with that change other developments might go unnoticed right away. What happens when the style of caring displays switches up? What happens when your partner flips the script, and leaves you doubting how much they care? What do we do when we no longer recognize the gestures we’re getting? Most folks say the honeymoon phase is over, but when we consider things properly this can happen at any point in a relationship. We at Booty Jams Podcast believe that giving some extra thought to this consideration can yield some worthy results, and can perhaps save you from the freak out you feel is reaching inevitability!
We can often over look the little things that we do with our partners and loved ones that display our appreciation. Our expressions of care come so organically we hardly think about them, we simply think, ‘Oh, that was really nice of her, I think I’ll make her dinner tomorrow night,’ or perhaps its merely an expression of the positive feelings you have for someone, a simple gesture that says ‘I care about you.’ In reality, relationships are founded on these types of gestures, and it is actually crucial to a relationship to maintain their inclusion. However, there comes a time between two people where those little expressions communicated by a Hershey’s Kiss on a pillow or a blow job after a hard day’s work, change their appearance, and change their meaning. Where at one point you said ‘aww, how nice!,’ now you start to think ‘how come he never does that anymore?!’ What once was a kind gesture that let you know he cared has now become a need that when absent makes you question your commitment.
Our partnerships with one other often take on a certain kind of habitual nature, it seems. We get into routines, we make ourselves comfortable, and we create familiar styles of reciprocation that consistently inform us of where we stand with our partners. However, it soon becomes apparent that these routines change over time. Regardless if you have a three month fling or a seven year domestic partnership, as feelings grow, and the circumstances of our lives develop, the ways we are driven to show one another we care will evolve as well. Perhaps we no longer get flowers delivered to our partners’ office, but every day like clock work we pick them up from work or take the kids to school or send a gchat that simply says ‘I love you.’ These sort of exchanges can get lost in the shuffle, and no longer seem to carry the importance or weight they did before, but without them we’d certainly question where we stood with our partners. If we don’t stay observant of these sorts of gestures, and consider their real value, we could be missing out on some of the sweetest and most endearing bits of our relationships. She may no longer rub your feet every night, but the time and effort it takes to prepare a meal is certainly valuable as well.
There’s a crucial balance to be struck between what you do to let your partner know you care, and what we need as individuals to keep our relationships viable. Often, there is significant overlap between the two, certainly we need to know our partners care to stay confident in the relationship, but lets not confuse the mole hill for a mountain. Lets not discourage the cute gestures we’re often inspired to share with requirements for the day to be successful, follow that path and you’re sure to get the opposite result. Confusing our needs with spontaneous displays of caring can make our kisses on the cheek a dry routine, and our once romantic dinners, an act of mere consumption. Our needs are what brought us together, the need for partnership, the need for monogamy or openness, the need for stability, but our wants and desires that pepper a relationship with gastric butterflies, are spontaneous and joyful moments. When we don’t step back and lighten our hearts to the little gestures displayed by our partners, we may do more to push away than encourage connection.
It is difficult to stay flexible to the ways our displays of caring may change. Some of these expressions are so natural we don’t even question them, a kiss before you part ways, a call before bed, but others may require a word or two to be shared. How is your partner to ever know that to you making coffee for him is an expression of love, when all he thinks is simply, ‘ooooo, coffee!’ When we’re feeling under appreciated or as if we are operating on a deficit of caring expressions we have to take a moment and make sure we’re considering the full picture. Have you become so attached to the chocolate on your pillow, that you haven’t noticed the other perhaps less overtly romantic gestures your partner has made? And if the answer is yes, consider first whether a simple statement that lets her know, ‘this is imporant to me’ would do the trick. We can often get so tangled up in our little bullshit that we forget these little things, and the real worth they possess.
Effectively communicating care for one another, and adapting to changes can be hard to accomplish with our partners. Sometimes we’ve gotta come right out and talk about the gestures we’re making. It’s important always to remember, though, that our relationships are never static and change within them is ever present. Ride the wave, and don’t forget the small stuff, its often the glue that holds the whole damn ship together.
There are a host of things that come to mind this time of year, but buying gifts can be one of the biggest stresses.December 20, 2011
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