Relationship Tips from Doctor-Jon: “V” Day
As we approach Valentine’s Day, I’d like us to take a look at what “V” Day means. Here are some thoughts:
- Victory: Me and my partner made it through another year!
- Victory: I dumped that S.O.B. just in time.
- Victory: I don’t have a partner on Valentine’s Day, and that’s OK!
For this month’s column, I’ve decided to focus on No. 3.
To quote from my world-famous relationships handout, Dealing Directly in our Relationships, there’s absolutely nothing “wrong” with being single. This is a no-brainer for single people who already know that not being hitched can be a great opportunity to get to know yourself and learn to treat yourself better.
Plus, some people need their space and just don’t want to deal with the dreaded toiletry dilemmas, the snoring, or, as my husband Robin tells me I do, babbling during sleep.
They prefer to do what they want when they want it, rather than negotiating with a partner. And that’s peachy-keen!
But for those of you who are unhappy being single, consider this: your future partner may be right under your nose!
Many of us humanoids have a “checklist” of criteria that prospective partners must meet for us to consider them “relationship material.” Get over your expectations of who your future partner “should” be and look for what you actually need from a partner!
Me, I’m a sucker for an intellectual. As for kindness—if you don’t have that, you’re history before the word, “Boo!”
One of our biggest expectations is “chemistry.” (“Duh!” you may be thinking—how can you have a life partner without that?)
But we may encounter–or already have a friendship with—someone toward whom, if we’re truly patient and open to it, we may develop an attraction. When I was dumped by my ex (Boy, was that a mistake) of 13 years, I was not ready for another relationship. But then Robin, with whom I had been friends for six years, and with whom there had been no conscious physical attraction, fell in love with me, and vice-versa, and the rest is history—well, a wonderful work in progress.
Finally, don’t forget—you can always do what I did on “V” Day, back in the Stone Age when I was single—invite a dear friend to be your Valentine. You’ll be giving each other a lovely gift. Happy “V” Day!
Jonathan Lebolt, PhD (“Doctor Jon”) is a licensed clinical social worker, psychoanalyst, and group psychotherapist specializing in relationship issues. He lives with his partner of 14 plus years, Rev. Dr. Robin Gorsline, and their princely pooch, Cocoa. Robin and Jonathan are proud grandfathers of a beautiful one-year-old girl, Juna. Feel free to contact Doctor Jon at his website.
My sweetheart and I don’t pay much attention to roles in our marriage.February 15, 2016
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