Relationships can sometimes feel like traps. Regardless of whether or not your boyfriend or girlfriend is the love of your life, sometimes he/she just needs to back off! And that’s okay–we are as much social animals as we are the type that might choose to seek death alone in a Japanese forest. It’s how we balance our perception of freedom and our choice to be committed to a relationship that really makes the difference in our experience of being free.
We at Booty Jams believe that freedom is important though it can take a bit of careful consideration to determine the difference between perceived freedom and what it actually means to be free.
Even in a casual situation, that feeling of mutual consideration can be extremely validating. The simple acknowledgement that you exist and are important is incredibly valuable. However, the buildup of tension in a partnership can sometimes feel stifling. What we rightly tell ourselves is that the level of attachment we’re feeling from our partner or ourselves amounts to a denial of our ease of movement and action. We can reach the point where that high level of consideration seems almost mandatory. If left unchecked, we can take this feeling too far.
Perhaps, in the name of blowing off steam, you go get drunk, see that old fling and say to yourself, “I’m still my own (wo)man.” Yet, when you wake up next to said fling, you find yourself wanting to leave immediately, run home, shower, and submit to that mandatory consideration that just a day ago you dreaded so passionately. How’s your whole freedom-seeking working out? Not well. Not too well.
The problem here is that you’ve ignored the role of numero uno. That’s right: you, my friend, are the common denominator. The issue is you’ve been seeking freedom eight-and-a-half inches deep inside another person. Let’s consider that idea. Freedom, while with another person? Mmmm, doesn’t sound too independent does it? Think about the last time you actually felt independent and enjoyed that feeling of being free. Was it when you saw the last Twilight movie by yourself and took that long drive to think about your life, or was it when you made your relationship more complicated by banging that fling?
What personal freedom really means is getting in touch with the parts of yourself that make you, you. The time you make to paint, thrift, or watch Family Guy is the time you feel you are taking your life in your own hands and doing with it what you choose. It is our belief that when you consistently make the time to reconnect with those parts of yourself that make you feel relaxed and content, your relationship commitments take on a less constraining role. Talk to your partner about the time you need. Take a minute and reflect about what makes you feel independent and what offers you the validation you need from others. It’s about balance.
Though it can be hard work to muster the energy to give those you care about your consistent attention, when you feel that need for freedom, chances are likely that it’s more about you than your partner. Take the time to give yourself what you need and feel those chains start to melt away. Get it right and you’ll have all the freedom you can handle.
My sweetheart and I don’t pay much attention to roles in our marriage.February 15, 2016
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