Gay Guys Guide: Gym Commandments
Gentlemen, let’s hope you have not succumbed to the dreadful term of “resolutionary,” and actually been keeping up with your New Years resolutions whether training for your first 10k or losing that PBR gut to fit in your Levis Skinnys. Also, I hope that you are adhering to the “Gay Guys Guide to Gym Etiquette.” If guilty as charged, please continue to read this article. If you’ve been an angel and following all of the rules, please continue to read this article.
Spending relentless hours observing, working out with others, and listening to my friends about their awkward gym stories, I thought it was time to bring in the big guns, another top ten list. I came, I saw, and I conquered both the good, the bad, and the ugly and hereby give you the formalized (but also in-formalized) Gay Guys Guide: Gym Commandments. Get ready for a TKO and please consider the following:
10. Thou shall see sweat as holy water We all perspire and yes, more than we’d like to see come off from others. That doesn’t mean to hand Joshy boy a mop and caution wet sign after he hops off the exercise machine and embarrass them in front of the entire gym. Obviously, you haven’t been to a Bikram style yoga class. Don’t be “scurred.”
9. Thou shall not think otherwise of a gas attack Flatulence otherwise known as “farts,” happen. Deal with it, but it’s okay to giggle. Just don’t cause a major scene. Talk about him when you are in your car and leaving the gym parking lot (you may never know if the victim is lurking.) Second option, tweet about it in disguise.
8. Thou shall not ask, “are you my trainer?” Let’s face it we all have a sudden urge to be “that person” who is the expert and is the will of the way. Don’t. If you’re a wannabe trainer then go submit an application to be a trainer at Golds. Don’t tell me how to lift my shake weight if you aren’t certified. Unless I’m into you.
7. Thou shall not disturb thy neighbor If you see Ryan over there with the only set of ten pound dumbbells and he’s lifting, it is not your cue to start a cat fight and ask if he is done. Take the initiative and go for the 20 pounders or simply wait your turn. Don’t be a creeper either and intimidate or check him out.
6. Thou shall drink water Common sense, right? Too bad a lot of people don’t follow this golden rule of staying hydrated. Save yourself the humiliation and trip to Patient First and always come into the gym with your Camelback and extra bottles of water.
5. Thou shall not smell like fish Really, it’s okay to smell like whatever after you’re done working out. But before? I had a grizzly bear come stretch next to me on the mats and he smelled like a rotten picnic. If only I had a small spray can of Febreze on my keychain next to my mace. Either take a quick bird bath or slap on the Speed Stick and Old Spice!
4. Thou shall perform to the best of your ability If you set a weight loss goal of ten pounds and you have not lost half the amount in two months, pick up the pace girl! Or fire your personal trainer. There should be no excuses. Instead of “I can’t,” rely on my favorite workout acronym of “D.I.R.N.” (Do It Right Now). Oh and instead of pounding the beers, drink vodka sodas and pick up the weights.
3. Thou shall grunt only in the bedroom Probably the most notorious commandment ever broken. Unless you’re the hulk or having twins, I shouldn’t have to hear your freaky grunt(s) if I have my earphones on and my iPod is set at the maximum volume level. Let’s just make peace and commit to only deep cleansing breaths.
2. Thou shall follow Britney Spears lyrics “If I said I wanted your body, would you hold it against me?” If you’re like me and have a ton of Britney in your exercise playlist, you know Britney has the right stuff! Miss Britney will get you sweating and working hard like none other, trust me! (Download “Stronger”).
1. Thou shall not lose thyself You’ve worked your booty off and the last thing you never want to do is quit. I’ve seen gym regulars become gym losers. Don’t ever stop. If you ever hit that wall or plateau, stop for a couple of minutes and take a look at the over all picture. Always know, you have a support system out there and congratulate yourself on the every time you achieve your goals. That does not mean to eat an entire cheesecake. Never get to that beaten path. Being fit and healthy is all about, dedication, mind over matter, and always loving yourself and your body.
Jason Yu is Partner and Director of Marketing for The Hardwicke Group in Richmond, VA. His company specializes in new media, PR and influence with an emphasis on digital marketing strategy and reputation management. Jason enjoys keeping active by biking, running and working out on a daily basis. Jason has ran in over twenty running races including the Marine Corps Marathon, Tough Mudder, Richmond Marathon, and Xterra races. Interesting facts about Jason is that he is a music fanatic, in search fro the best macaroni and cheese, and aspiring “mixologist.”
On Wednesday, the NBA released its first collection of LGBTQ Pride teeshirts featuring the logos of all 30 pro basketball teams. The line is a collaboration between the basketball league, the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) and TeeSpring and was released in celebration of LGBTQ Pride Month. This is the first time an [...]June 9, 2016
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