There are a lot of ways to lie. Sometimes we can lie to spare some one’s feelings. Sometimes we can lie to save ourselves embarrassment. And then there are those rare times when folks lie to intentionally hurt someone else. Well, lets leave the latter to the politicians and the psychopaths, and really consider the lies we tell that seemingly hurt no one.
What do we do when sex is bad? What do we do when things have gone on too long, and you just gotta get out from under him? How can you protect your partners feelings when tonight its just not gonna happen; when you want to give the gift of mutual climax, but you just don’t have it in you? That’s right, folks, you guessed it. We’re talking about faking orgasms.
Now, in a fantastically perfect world we would all have great sex, orgasm every time, and never feel the need to lie to our partners. Well, we’ve said it before, and you know it yourselves, this is not a perfect world. So, many of us have strategized, schemed, and tested our acting skills. We scream, and writhe, and grab our partners arms, saying ‘YES YES YES!,’ until our voices go horse. And this strategy can work. We can make our partners feel contented or avoid an awkward interaction. But there’s just one question. Can we fake with a good conscience? Can we use our ‘protect their feelings’ logic to justify our lies? In a word, no. Now, lets give it some thought.
Faking an orgasm can be innocent enough. Maybe you’re often able to cum. Maybe its a rarity that you don’t, and your partner has come to expect that when she does that thing with her tongue, or he jams his arm in up to the elbow, you always reach sweet climax. Maybe this time, knowing that it just won’t happen, you give your usual groan, and avoid his worry that he did something wrong. Innocent. No one’s hurt, and nothings awkward. Everyone goes to sleep happy. The only thing ignored here is why we needed to lie in the first place? When we’re faking orgasms we’re saying to our partners that sex is all about the climax. Even if its a casual thing, and we really don’t owe anything to our partners, it can be a bad habit to bring faking into the mix.
When we fake an orgasm not only do we communicate that our reason for being in bed is for climax alone, but when a one night stand turns into a fairly regular lay we also let our partners believe that an orgasm is a dependable phenomenon. What lies behind our perfectly simulated moans and groans is a belief that our partners won’t be satisfied unless they experience our ultimate excitement. What is said behind our screams of artificial passion is that we’ve taken the reality of having sex and turned it into a fiction more similar to a media portrayal than what it is to have enjoyable adult intercourse.
Is it better to avoid a brief awkward moment than to right our actions with what we are really experiencing? Maybe. Can we honestly believe that we’re protecting the feelings of those we bang when we let them believe they’re better than they are, or you’re not anxious to get things over with? Perhaps we can. But as we move forward in our sex lives, when do we get to the point where we act out of how we feel, and not out of whats expected of us? When will we realize that the best partners are going to be those that will enjoy their time with us regardless of climax? When will white lies become obsolete, and honesty not be a question?
We at Booty Jams Podcast have not reached this lofty goal. In fact, both of us have faked orgasms in our past, and who knows maybe down the road we’ll be convinced to do it again. However, we’d prefer to make sex about sex and not about some story book ending. It’s brilliant when we find partners with whom we can orgasm. But we’d rather have a partner, even for a night, with whom we could simply say, ‘its just not gonna happen,’ and still look forward to a comfortable morning.
For more on our conversation about faking, check out Episode 4 on the blog!
We set our straight guy on the street with a Grindr profile. Part II of what he learns here.February 3, 2012
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