Behold the info-graphic above and be terrified by its accuracy.
“There’s a lot of elements that come into dating — age, level of crazy, intelligence, attitude, confidence, etc.,” writes Anderson. “I think these boil down to two factors: 1) stability and 2) hotness.”
Split on the Y-axis by how stable and the X-axis by how hot, you find yourself staring at a very real observation of who we wish we could date vs. who is a bad idea to date.
“Stability is related to job security, maturity, and mental health,” writes Anderson. “Hotness is (clearly) related to how generally attractive you find them. Both are just as important.”
Sure, the list is a joke and it’s incredibly shallow, but it’s still pretty funny:
Check out some of the choice explanations:
Sitting at the corner of unstable and not hot, “The Clinging Mistake” is defined as the guy one of your girlfriends introduces you too, or as someone who uses fake or old pictures on their dating profile.
“You charge through the date and part ways, only to find that this man is stalking you hard months later,” writes Anderson. “This goes on for years, probably ending in someone dying.”
On the other end of the “hot” spectrum sits the “Hot Rage:”
“His hot fucking face and biceps bulge at the frustrations of life. The Hot Rage just can’t handle it,” writes Anderson. This is the kind of guy who sounds like a great idea until you’re sober or have finished yourself off.
Anderson takes the time to actually list the “it” the Hot Rage cannot handle:
pressure, issues, stress, love, finances, slow people, animals, events, crowds, losing, winning, getting the dinner check later than he wanted, your face, his face, technology, Ariana Grande, and oscar snubs.
Finally, at the best end of the spectrum, someone who is both very hot and very stable: The Unicorn
Sadly, Anderson nails the description for this one the head – “Good luck on your hunt.”
Sometimes love is 24-hours, or a little less in my case. We met online one morning. I was busy studying for a law exam and eagerly sought a distraction. He was killing time before work. We found each other at exactly the right moment, a perfection of timing impossible to replicate. When it happens you [...]