Close the Door. We Have To Talk.
Hey, don’t worry about it, you guys had a good run, right? Ahhh, f*** it, maybe you didn’t. Point is, things are done. Over. Finito. Time to take back your tooth brush, delete that phone number, sweep your pride off the floor, and get the hell out! But wait, you’re forgetting something. That’s right, things didn’t just end with that fight at Little Ceaser’s, nope, not even close. You, my friend, have to have the closure conversation. Yep, that thing you’ve been dreading, the moment you have been working so hard to avoid: Looking at him in the eyes again, and making it official.
We at Booty Jams Podcast know that a closure conversation can be the most painful bit of breaking it off with someone. Even if you didn’t have the time to fall madly in love, or talk about what your adopted kids would look like, a talk that once and for all hashes things out, is essential to maintaining healthy, respectful, and considerate relationships. Regardless of how tough they may be, in the end, closure conversations do a good work for both partners. They help to avoid future awkwardness. They offer the opportunity for revelation. And they are a great way to not be a complete dick to someone with whom you’ve grown close.
Maybe you’re thinking things are mutual, nothing needs to be said, and now its just time to move on. Well, news flash, cowboy, unless you make sure you’re on the same page, you’re in store for a world of confusion and awkward interactions. Consider your future laziness for just a minute, will you?
Odds are you’re not on the same page; I mean, lets consider the fact that you ARE breaking up after all. Are you willing to risk him freaking out on you in three weeks, cause he had no idea what you were thinking? How much post-break-up effort are willing to make just to avoid that 15 minute conversation? Do you really want to have to avoid that bar just because he’s there? Are you really willing to suffer through the awkward Facebook interactions? Having to delete the sarcastic and snide comments, only for them to post something cutting on their own wall.
Now, sure its stuff like that that ended things in the first place, but if you make things clear, and properly shut this thing down, you may do work to put the crazy to bed. Think about it like a retirement plan for your failed relationship. Invest now for a less awkward future!
Not only can you save yourself a host of uncomfortable future interactions by properly closing up shop, but you never know what you might learn or be able to teach by making a point to share some words. In the course of a relationship its often hard to take the higher road.
Often you find yourselves slipping into some petty argument about a towel on the floor, or the clicking sound made while eating instead of accepting each others faults, and letting things go. Now, at the end of your journey together you have one last chance to show that respect. Taking the time to sit your partner down and at the very least cover why YOU feel things are over can be a moment of redemption, and revelation as well.
Perhaps she just thinks you’re jealous of the attention she pays to her cat, but you know that its actually the emails she’s sending her ex. Perhaps he feels its over cause he cheated, when its really not the cheating that bothered you its that he didn’t have the trust to tell you. You’ll never know what truths may be revealed when you really get to the bottom of things. You may find that you can even grow a little bit, and take something positive into your next relationship. It’s important to show that last bit of respect, but don’t harden your heart to what you may discover in the process.
Lastly, if you give even the tiniest of shits, you gotta admit you kinda owe it to ‘em. There’s always a cost when you enter a relationship. Some bit of compromise is required or some bit of tolerance that at the time seems worth the price. And once you’re in the thing you do work to establish a foundation for feelings to flourish. You share moments, and movies. You take walks, and ride bikes. That time represents a series of efforts made, and time invested. In addition, when we’re leaving a situation there is also a cost. You have to pay the exit fee of having a potentially painful conversation to honor that time invested. You owe it to what you’ve both put in to leave things with respect and consideration.
The closure conversation is a tough one. Don’t feel defeated if you just can’t bring yourself to actually make it happen. People don’t write books about this crap because its easy, its one of harder things we do in our relationships. All we can do is try to help ourselves, and our future selves, be the best partners we can. And if you can’t do it face to face, send ‘em and email, it’s worked for us.
My sweetheart and I don’t pay much attention to roles in our marriage.February 15, 2016
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