About a month ago I broke up with my ex who I’ll call “Shades”. It was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. The break up wasn’t wanted but something that I felt I had to do. We had been going out and things were just too complicated. He was exactly the guy that I wanted to be with: he was funny, nice and always made me feel cared about, but it never would have worked.
Two weeks went by and I still wasn’t getting over him. I was drowning in the memory that was all the good times. It’s funny how you always think about the good things in the end. I couldn’t get him out of my head, so I decided I needed to just put myself out there and go on some dates to get over him. In walked Mr. Romantic.
Now, Mr. Romantic is a great guy in his own right. We met randomly and talked for a couple days over the phone; conversation was good and we decided to meet up. We go out to dinner and a bar, have a few drinks and end up back at his place. Now, this is where Mr. Romantic got his name. He was telling me how much he liked me and kept talking in the future tense as if we were already together. To be honest it was starting to freak me out. It was only the first date and this guy was laying the foundation for kids and marriage.
The next morning lying in bed next to a still sleeping Mr. Romantic, all I could think about was my ex…I knew that wasn’t a good sign.
The date was three nights ago and for the past three nights I’ve had the same nightmare. It’s a dream with in a dream really. I’m laying in bed in my dream and I wake up to someone in my room. It’s understood in my dream that not only is this a ghost, but it’s Shades. I was being haunted by my Shades in my dreams. This got me thinking; can you be haunted by past relationships and if so, is that what was happening now?
Mr. Romantic is a great guy that’s funny and genuinely nice, so why don’t I like him and better yet, why is it that I can’t stop thinking about my ex when I’m around Mr. Romantic? Is the memory of Shades haunting my future relationships?
I think that all of us, whether or not we want to admit it bring baggage of past relationships into the next one and it’s our job to unpack that baggage the best we can before hand. I know in my case I’m still not fully over Shades and I need to keep things simple until his ghost is gone.
Someone very wise (my mom ha) once said to me that timing is everything in a relationship and I think that fits perfectly here. You could meet the love of your life, but if you aren’t ready for them then you could just pass them by.
Mr. Romantic may be a great guy but right now I need to just keep things simple and casually date while I try and unpack my baggage.
Justin is a 23 year old senior at Virginia Commonwealth University. He is working on his bachelors in English and looking for Mr. Right. You can read more about his escapades in dating at his personal blog, "A Gay College Guy in Virginia".
These five things could serve as a choose your own adventure book where the two outcome see you either having a kiss to remember or getting labeled as the John Waters of the workplace. The choice is up to you.December 30, 2011
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