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Romney V Obama: High School Crush Edition

If politics were just this easy.

GayRVA Staff | November 6, 2012

We all have a pretty solid idea on which candidate will be a friend to LGBT folks for the next 4 years. But I

stumbled across a great picture of Mitt Romney at 17 that made me sigh, and I got to thinking–what would 17-
year-old me think of these two if we all went to the same highschool together?

Mitt Romney

Jesus Christ, look at him. Its like Zach Morris dyed his hair black and spent his summers at bible camp. In truth,
every day was bible camp for young Mitt. Romney entered a private prep school in 8th grade. He was on the
track team. Mormon’s are big on bikes; I’d bet Mitt had killer calves.

Romney was a bit of a prankster, but he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy to orchestrate a bad deed. I imagine
Mitt crouched behind the bigger guy laughing and egging him on while they, I donno, shave someones head.

But something tells me if you were his man, it would be a sweet high school romance and he would treat you
right. He’s got those dark eyes and that stellar hair part. I bet he would give you his lettermen jacket and he’d
wear your class ring on a gold chain around his neck.

I just can’t get past those bangs. I bet you could tug on ‘em playfully and that million dollar smile of his would be
enough to remove even the tightest of magic underware.


Barack Obama

Barry-O-Barry-oh. My personal love affair with young Barack is no secret amongst friends. Luckily the man’s
younger years were well documented, and now I have myself a great group of photos to imagine myself into.

Barack also attended a private high school, though he admittedly ran with the stoner crowd. They called
themselves The Choom Gang – Choom was slang for smoking weed. Barack wrote about this in his book to some
detail, saying he and his friends would drive around in the “choom-wagon” practicing inhaling tequniques and
playing pot-smoking games.

In one biographers account, Barack was know for intercepting joints when they were passed around rotation.
Thats kind of a dick move, but with that smile I’d be he got away with a lot.

Barry played basketball, and spent time on the beaches of Hawaii. Is there really more you could ask for in a high
school crush?

I could see us sneaking behind the gym for a quick makeout session between classes, and I know
he’d light my cigarettes for me. Moral of the story? He could organize my community any day.


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