OpEd: I’m a bisexual, not a predatory sex-addict
People fear what they do not understand; at the very least it makes them uncomfortable. This is often intensified when it comes to sexuality.
It’s true; society has grown more accepting of other lifestyles. Concepts like Gay and Lesbian are no longer simply labels or stereotypes. Gay marriage is close to nationwide acceptance. That being said, one “alternative lifestyle” which still causes people to become perplexed is Bisexuality.
People say, “You just haven’t made up your mind yet. You’ll sleep with anyone. You can’t ever be monogamous.”
I’ve heard these comments from heterosexuals and homosexuals alike.
Is it that hard to conceive anyone could be attracted to some men and some women?
From a young age, our concept of appropriate sexuality and relationships comes from societal norms.
We are taught that boys like girls and girls like boys, once we get past the “icky” factor of course. As we get older, some people break that rule and take a different label. If you’re a boy who likes a boy, you are gay. But it’s confusing and frustrating when you like girls but also find some boys attractive.
You’re supposed to fit in a box, gay or straight, so everyone knows who you’re attracted to and where you fit in. If you haven’t picked one sex, you must be confused.
I spent a lot of my childhood and young adulthood wondering what was wrong with me. Why can’t I just be like everyone else? Bisexuals are told to make up their minds, even by members of the LGBT community.
I did make up my mind; I choose the people I find attractive. It took me a long time to realize that it is OK to be bisexual. I don’t have the acceptance of my entire social circle, because it’s hard to start a conversation. I don’t mean to trivialize the stress Gays and Lesbians go through when coming out to their friends and family.
They risk derision, being ostracized, hatred, and fear. In the modern era, however, there are more stories of supportive friends and families and understanding. It is gradually becoming more acceptable in society to be Gay.
Parents and others may not accept or welcome the alternative sexuality of their loved one, but they understand it.
As a Bisexual, however, I don’t necessarily keep a major secret, but I don’t advertise it either. The few friends I’ve told, even those with generally progressive values, are often confused or judgmental. They don’t understand.
Society understands Lesbians and Gays, and it is even coming to comprehend what it means to be Transsexual. It seems like the confusion remains for the “B” in the LGBT community, from those who identify as members of the community, to allies, and outsiders.
One great example of a Bisexual man trying to make his family understand comes from the British TV show Torchwood. A character that always dated women falls in love with a man. When his family finds out he is now dating a man, his sister asks if he is into men now. He must be gay, right? He replies, “Not men, him.”
He didn’t become gay; he fell in love with a person.
Most people can’t wrap their minds around the fact that I could potentially fall in love with a man or a woman, if I met the right one. My Bisexuality does not mean I’m a slut or will sleep with anyone.
I’ve got a type of woman I find attractive, and a type of man. Bisexuals have the same range of standards as everyone else. It’s not like I’m attracted to all people!
Male Bisexuals hardly ever come out to male friends, as guys tend to think everyone wants to sleep with them. Girlfriends of guys tend to think the same thing. Once a girlfriend found out about me, and she understood, but added the proviso “As long as you aren’t after my man.”
Sure, that speaks to her insecurity, but I don’t understand those who equate Bisexuality with some type of predatory behavior.
You didn’t think I was at home in a long-term monogamous relationship, and very lucky to be so. I still find some men and some women attractive. That being said, I am faithful to the boundaries of my relationship, established through open dialogue with my wife.
We talk about people we find attractive and what we want to do sexually. She isn’t bisexual, but she understands my sexuality and supports me. It didn’t happen overnight.
It doesn’t mean that I can only be satisfied with a threesome. It doesn’t mean that I’m unhappy in my loving relationship.
But, when I see a cute guy walking down the street, I look. I’m attracted to people I find physically appealing. Sometimes that means a male and sometimes that means a female. Maybe someday it will be acceptable in society to be Bisexual.
My conservative family and my friends of all preferences may accept me someday. I look forward to the day when people don’t assume I’m confused or A Bisexual person can meet the stereotypes, but so can anyone else. Bisexuals are not the only ones who question their identities or sexual interests.
All sexualities have people who sleep with more than the average number of people.
Bisexuals can be as bad at monogamy as anyone who cheats on others. Bisexuality, like any label, is whatever it means to that person.
For me, it is snuggling with my wife while watching a movie or TV show and talking about the guys we think are cute.
Top image via WeirdSailboat
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